Well, surprise...he didn't.
This adoption has become very hard for me. It started out very easy. The paperwork was much easier than with our previous adoptions...and I did feel so peaceful. "Did". Past tense.
That flew out the window.
I've made attempts to regain that peace over the past month or so. And it works...for a while.
I'm so ready for all the unknowns to be known. All the uncertainties to now be certain. And - most of all - I'm ready for that precious little brown baby boy who we know is supposed to be in our arms at some point...I'm ready for him to be in our arms now.
So, I "threw out a fleece" for the Lord. I told Him that Dec. 9th would be perfect.
But, obviously, it wasn't a perfect plan. Because that wasn't His plan.
Many are the plans in a man’s heart,
but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)
And I really do know and believe deep in my heart of hearts that the Lord's plan is perfect and His timing is perfect. I have no question that He is working all this out according to His will.
I just want to know what that perfect will is. When that perfect will will come to pass.
I memorized the above scripture a long time ago...because this wanting/needing to know and be in control of things has been a struggle of mine for a long time. I still haven't learned, obviously.
But I want to. Oh, how I want to. And I know that the Lord is working on this in me during this adoption process too. **He** is the ultimate multi-tasker - working on the sanctification process in me (and the other members of my family, too) WHILE he is working out every detail of bringing Gabriel into our family.
What the children are learning personally - and what they're learning by watching us - as we travel this adoption road again...it is invaluable.
I have lots of questions. From big, theoretical questions....to practical details questions. Concerns, worries, frettings. But I need to remember (for good) that He has everything - down to the last little detail - under control. He won't work everything out...but, (oh no!) forget one little thing over there...
He's got it. Really and truly got it.
As I had a good, tear-filled heart-to-heart with the Lord on Friday (during the children's rest time) at one point I physically just held my hands out, empty palms up, to the Lord.
I give Him all of it. The plans. The details. The control.
Truth is, it never was mine anyway.
We sang this in church this morning...I love it:
In this adoption - in every area of my life - I need to open my hands to the Lord.
Love you, dear friend. Lifting you up. You are so right. Thank you for the scripture reminder. Looking forward to rejoicing with you when His timing comes!
ReplyDeleteRight there with you friend!!! The waiting is the most difficult part of the journey! I am sure you are also struggling because you had a potential end date to the meds. I know I grieved when my end date came and went! Praying for you knowing our heavenly father has it all worked out for your good!!!
ReplyDeleteThe struggle is so real--I know how I had it all planned to get our TA on September 6th and how it didn't come until the 7th. I remember thinking--24 hours cost us 5 weeks in our girls lives. THEN, God so sweetly reminded me--that it wasn't lost time, because they were not ordained to join our family until the day that He ordained it. WOW! It's still humbling now--to think about it.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, I know your struggle is real--know that I will pray for you everytime the Holy Spirit brings you to my mind.
If you are like me--you give it and then want it back, give it and then want it back. I know that everytime I posted about the peace--I was challenged with that peace. I'll be praying!
Praying for you!
ReplyDelete