Warning: While I kept this as tame as possible, if you are the squeamish, genteel sort, you may want to skip this post.
I headed back down to our children's clinic Friday morning for follow-up appointments for Lily Kay and Daniel's surgeries.
Dr. M said she gives Lily Kay an "A+".
We didn't actually discuss the grade she'd assign to Daniel...but I'm guessing it would be an "F". "F" for fistula.
He still has one.
Jas and I (with Dr. M's permission) took Daniel's catheter out last Sunday afternoon. I had to accompany him to the bathroom for the next 36 hours. He wanted me there with him because it hurt him so bad.
The first time I saw him go, he was crying very loudly from the pain, but I know my eyes were about to pop out of my head. I couldn't believe - didn't want to believe - what I was seeing: urine not only coming out where it should, but also a good stream shooting out from the back side. Not good. I tried not to cry in front of Daniel.
Dr. M was not pleased to hear about this fistula. She hung her head and said "What are we going to do?"
Umm, I was kind of hoping she would tell us that.
This precious boy has now had 5 surgeries for his hypospadias. It normally takes 2.
This is not life-threatening.
This could definitely be worse.
And yet I am very upset and just so ready for this to be over for my Daniel.
Daniel is such a trooper, and doesn't complain. He does cry when it hurts, and he'll certainly let you know about it. But he doesn't complain, or mope. He just hops back up and goes and plays. This almost makes me feel worse. Why can't he just be done with all of this?
And yet I know that he will be done exactly when the Lord wants Him to be done.
I don't understand this. I don't like it. I don't mean to be disrespectful, and I don't mean to question...but the Lord can definitely handle my honesty. In fact, it's exactly what He wants. So, like David in so many of the Psalms, I've been pouring this out before Him all week. And I plan to continue. Just like the Persistent Widow in Luke 18...I plan to continue bringing Daniel's fistula before Him.
Dr. M told me today that about 20% of the time, fistulas will close on their own in the first 6 months after surgery.
That is great...and we definitely want to be in that 20%. But even aside from the natural....the Lord can do this. Even if the number were 1% - or never - the Lord can do this.
And we are asking You to do this, Lord.