I usually stick to happy, upbeat posts because, well...that is what it is like around here most of the time. But certainly not all of the time.
And this whole. last. week. has been one of those "not all of the time" times.
OH - how I have been thinking on the above verse this week! Clinging to it, really.
Like Paul in the above verse, I do want His power to rest on me. I just don't want it to have to be because of my weakness! But there is just so much doggone "weakness". Sometimes it feels overwhelming. Seriously? Am I still so yucky inside? So impatient? So quick-to-anger? So selfish? So (insert other fleshly sin nature ugliness)? So (insert other fleshly sin nature ugliness)??? Seriously - am I still struggling with these things?
Being the over-achiever, perfectionist that I've always been, I try so hard to keep it all together...all the time. I want to not only keep juggling all of my balls in the air, I want it to look great while I do it. My balls? My mommy-ing, being a great helpmeet and wife to Jas, being responsible for my children's education, cooking tasty healthy meals, keeping the house looking good...and oh, yeah, being a good daughter/friend/etc. etc. etc.
Oh, I want to do so good. And I want to keep all these balls beautifully in the air, and put on a good show, WHILE always looking nicely dressed, hair perfect, smiling prettily, WITH four precious children behind me all dressed so cute and behaving just perfectly. "Maybe if I just have enough To-do lists, and schedules, and organizational tools...", then I can keep it all together, under my own strength.
But - surprise! - it's all a bunch of hooey. I can't keep all these balls in the air perfectly! And the truth is: No one else even expects me to keep all of these balls in the air perfectly. It's just a self-imposed standard!
Jas doesn't impose this standard on me. A more gracious and flexible hubby none could find. Seriously.
My friends all seem to have learned this lesson long ago, and cut themselves more slack than I do.
And the Lord is certainly not surprised. He knows that I can't do this. He doesn't expect me to be able to do all of this....alone. But when I acknowledge my weakness, and lean on Him...wow, wouldn't that be a novel (and better) idea....
How many times have I ever read the above verse? Many! I know this verse (pointing at head)...so why don't I know this verse (pointing at heart)???
His grace and power are there for the asking (see above verse).
His wisdom is there for the asking (James 1:5).
His guidance is there for the asking (Isaiah 30:21)
His forgiveness is there for the asking (1 John 1:9)
His love is there - I don't even have to ask! (Romans 5:8)
Now, if I could just remember these things...